Interlude: The Ache Between Duty and Desire

The third entry in a healing and love series — a tangled moment between the heartbreak I never expected and the love I chose to leave.

At first glance, these might seem like two different stories. One is about the girl who is healing from heartbreak, and the other is about the girl who walked away from love on purpose. But they’re not different — they are the same girl. They are me.

There’s a part of this story I don’t always say out loud. Yes, I left. I knew I couldn’t stay. But that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt when he didn’t ask me to stay.

It’s strange how you can be the one who lets go, yet still mourn not being held onto. How you can choose responsibility and still wish someone had chosen you, even if only for a little longer. How you can understand exactly why you walked away, and still feel the sting of not being stopped.

I used to think this made me weak or confused. But now I see it clearly. This is what it means to carry both regret and resilience. To own the sacrifice, and still feel the ache.

Love wasn’t the mistake. Survival wasn’t cowardice. They both existed fiercely, at the same time, in a heart that had to grow up too soon.

So if my healing story sounds like it’s searching for someone who never chose me — and my love story sounds like I’m the one who chose to leave — that’s because both are true. I loved deeply. I left responsibly. And I grieved both.

Healing doesn’t mean everything has to make perfect sense. True healing is about embracing the messiness, not escaping it. It begins when I stop trying to untangle every feeling and start accepting that some parts of my story are complicated — that regret and resilience can live side by side. The path to healing isn’t about choosing one feeling over another. It’s about holding the fullness of my experience — the love, the loss, the choices, and the pain — without judgment. When I accept this complexity, I find the space where true healing can finally take root.

Missed the earlier pieces in this healing and love series?

Please visit - Beneath the Misses, Beyond the Mess: My Way Back to Me

And then the rest of the mess unfolds…

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